The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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