I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
