My nipple is on Facebook.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize