She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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