You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
