Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
