Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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