I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
