in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
