i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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