It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
