dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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