Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
