so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
