im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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