If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
