i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize