Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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