if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize