from now on my penis is your penis
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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