I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
