Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize