for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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