Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
