Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
