Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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