I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize