the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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