dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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