After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
