So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize