so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
