why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
