He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize