It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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