I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
