consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize