the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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