There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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