I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
