nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
