I wanna bring you to show and tell
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
They have beer where we have blood.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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