I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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