Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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