I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
