So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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