he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
