My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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