That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You pole danced in your parka.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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