Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
