moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
