You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
