McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
