I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
