You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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