he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
