I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I look better un-naked...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
