i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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