Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
