I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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