Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
