Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
