If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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