youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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