if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
