Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
