It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
