Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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