He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
