why do cheetos always look like penises
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
As shirtless as possible
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize