ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
