Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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