Your mouth is God's brothel.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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