Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
