I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
