Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
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