The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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