I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
