Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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