Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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