you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
