woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
