and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
