you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
