He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
