Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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