Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
