Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
