We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
