he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
