So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
