btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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