ya dads aren't the best wingmen
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
