so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize