I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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