Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
