I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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