Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Randomize
