you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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