The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
