There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
