Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
