I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
