1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He has the fingertips of a God
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