I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Enjoy the penises
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
