Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
