I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
did i walk over a car last night?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
