well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
