I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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