u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
