I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
